Grief Doesn’t Skip the Holidays

Part of life if we live long enough is losing someone we love. As this season brings cold weather and bright lights lining roof lines, the reality is that despite its beauty and upbeat music, there exists an anguish right under the surface for many of us.

If the anguish is fresh, it might look like not wanting to participate and shunning the carolers at the doorstep. For me it was lying on the couch half wrapped in a quilt I was hand stitching, watching Vampire Diaries in low lighting. That was my first Thanksgiving and Christmas as a divorced woman who had to share custody of my kids on holidays. It hit me almost as hard as when my brother passed. A deep grieving for their presence. For the life that could have been. I attempted to put on a good face, but when left alone; I recoiled into myself to continue my grieving. During those times, I found keeping my hands busy with hand sewing a quilt (it was a queen-size) or knitting helped. When I couldn’t muster the strength for that, I read. I returned to the very book that helped me as a young woman, Jane Eyre. She allowed me to sink to my lowest and still feel I was not alone. So many times, we have to traverse pain alone. I found comfort in her words.

“I can live alone, if self-respect, and circumstances require me so to do. I need not sell my soul to buy bliss. I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all extraneous delights should be withheld, or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.” -Jane Eyre

If you find yourself grieving through the holiday season, I urge you to turn to those around you and know you are not alone. Even if the only one you feel you can reach for is a fictional character in your favorite book.